Hide That Feeling Of Yours!

Emo. Emo. Emo.

Yikes. I realised I've been very emotional nowadays. I think it started few months back. Gosh, I do not like this at all. Every little detail. Every little comment. Every little thing people do and not do. Every little action. It all hit straight to the heart without going through the brain. It hit so hard and it hurts so bad that you just have to hold back your tears every time. That sucks big time!

I used to be very independent emotionally. I am able to keep things strictly to myself and put a smile on my face even when I am not happy. I don't cry that much. To some, I might seem like a stone-hearted person and is very hard to please. I do think so about myself too. But I like it that way! I like to feel like I'm in control of things. I prefer being able to control my feelings and not get emo so easily. But I guess things do change as we grow old. OK, maybe that's not the reason. Maybe I'm just in a mess right now. But I do need to put the blame somewhere or on something, don't I? I chose age as my victim, so just accept it that way.

Getting old makes me take every single thing personally. Small matters that I would not even been bothered previously gets to my nerves so badly now. Things that are actually not a big deal, feels like a huge deal to me nowadays. It feels so bad to be out of control of my own feelings. Tears drop like nobody's business. I have no idea where all the tears came from. Must have been the water retention in the body -_-" Worse of all, the feeling stays for days, weeks and sometimes even months. Sometimes when I think I'm able to let it go already, I can still feel the poke in the heart when someone mention a word that I can simply relate to what I've been emo about. Yeerrrr, I've become so damn sensitive lar.. Yucks! I feel like a weak person. Me no like! Me no like!!

Being emotionally weak doesn't mean I'm easy to please now. I am still very hard to please :P I hope to change things back to how it used to be. I feel safer in a way to be in control of my emotions. One thing that hasn't change that much is the way I still try to control myself and keep things to myself. I fail terribly in hiding it from people though. Sigh. Failure.